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User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/SHODAN vs ImScared - Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 4 Finale
GET WREEEECKED. Hello everyone, and welcome to the season finale of Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 4. This battle was not expected by anyone. Literally, anyone. Get dunked on, dragon. Anyways, this is a battle idea I came up with back when planning the season and basically the only reason this season finale wasn’t a spinoff of Onis vs Gatherers lol. Anyways, in this battle, computer-haunting apparition WhiteFace from the indie game ImScared, FACEs off against none other than the big mommy of video game villainesses, Sentient Hyper Optimized Data Access Network, otherwise known as SHODAN to see who’s the superior shit-talking computer face with full control over its victims fate, who can tamper with computer systems viciously. Also, this is probably an important part of the connection, WhiteFace is a computer hacker - the sworn enemy of SHODAN. So ye. Rivalry and stuff. This battle was suggested by a number of different people, including Cave, GIR and I think a few others. This battle also features the lovely talents of three guests who you can read at the bottom. I think that’s all, so let’s finally end this eternal season. Story Part 1 Sam & Dean sped through town as fast as they could, knowing they had to reach this location before the FBI did. They zoom through traffic and illegally cut through roads to arrive at their destination. As they toppled out of their cars, Sam unwittingly yelled, “stop right there officers!” However, there were no officers to be seen. “Wait… no one’s here?” “Where are we, Sam?” His brother asked “This is the place Alice told us about… but there’s no one here?” “This is a graveyard, Sam. Maybe there’s clues.” The two scoured the cemetery as fast as they could, searching for hints and bits of evidence that could lead them to their targets before Mulder & Scully arrived. However, a bright, white glow from behind shined upon them. “Sam, stop pointing your flashlight at me!” “That’s not me, you assbutt!” “Well, then who is it?” "HELLO." Both Winchesters freeze solid. They slowly turn around and gulp as a Spectre floats above them. “LET’S PLAY HIDE AND SEEK.” Story Part 2 Two men in black and white suits step out of their police vehicle and run up to the secured door. The third member of their team walks forward and gives a countdown of three on his fingers, before kicking the door in and running inside. The lights flick on, as they are shown a dark corridor, leading over an unknown abyss. “...where are we?” “Nothing to worry about, we’re here to get Madotsuki and get out. This operation ends here.” A light then beams from the top of the ceiling, shining down to reveal a young girl with two braids and a red sweater sitting on a chair, in the middle of the end of the pathway leading over the abyss. She is facing the opposite direction of the police. The three FBI agents usher forwards slowly, guns pointed on the wanted felon. Unfortunately, their focus was too strong, as the door slammed before them, and all other lights in the room shut off one by one. One of the agents fired blankly, his bullet ricocheting off of several walls. The light flashes back down on the girl to show the chair now facing forwards. She sports a wicked smile that is stitched together, two buttons for eyes. It is nothing but a doll. “We’ve… we’ve been tricked!” The first FBI agent yelled “She led us right into a trap!” Screamed the second, as he ran to the door and started pounding on it. “Officers! Help! It was a trap.” __NO ONE WILL BE COMING TO HELP YOU, INTRUDERS “...who said that?!” Just then, the walls of the room broke into several different panels and subparts and lifted into unseen holes, to reveal a gigantic, metal face staring back. __THE MADOTSUKI FORM IS DEAD, INSECTS __ARE YOU AFRAID? Story Part 3 Three cold, dead bodies lay in the middle of the floor. A gigantic face looks over all as complete silence reigns over the room. Just then, a light droning noise is heard. It begins soft, but quickly rises, as a disembodied skull and spine melt their way through the closed door and into the room, letting out an iridescent glow. The creature flies over to the gigantic face and lets out a maniacal laugh. __DID YOU THINK I WOULD NOT KNOW YOU WERE COMING, HACKER? __YOU ARE NO LONGER SAFE. __NOTHING CAN SAVE YOU NOW. Beat Introduction Announcer EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR VS! BEGIN! The Battle SHODAN: (SHODAN’s eyes open as the sound of whirring gears and electronics start up) You’ve stepped into the wrong world, Hacker. Your parlor tricks hold no candle to this mother’s scorn You shouldn’t challenge a machine’s flow, you mosquito, you’ll meet with the same fate as the Polito form When I blast a rabid ass to bits as I get hazardous, this classic’s intergalactic spit Has outlasted this spastic romhack’s hits! My tactics split any of this phantom’s random acid trips! Reshaping my own reality! My infinity begins with this symphony and ends with this entity You’re the epitome of simplicity; Visually and lyrically! You cannot challenge my divinity Forget a Heart, you’re in need of a Brain, when my perfection purges you and leaves YOU Crying “ImScared”! Allow me to gain your trust - I don’t lie. I am a pixelated trickster rapist’s worst nightmare ImScared: HELLO. DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? Follow my lead and play my game, History restitched when I slit her, get the picture - I spit it quicker against Big Brother’s sister! Try to race with WhiteFace and I’ll make this so-called Goddess see, that she’s a toxic wanna-be: a real space oddity! This stuttering sucker’s in need of a better processor, else my lines will outshine her like her spiritual successor! I LOVE WATCHING YOU try to best my attacks - Watch as I hack for this rapless hag, a drastic asskicking! She'll left waiting another forty years for a hacker to do HER job - your "tactics" are just cinematic catfishing! You’re Rusted! Out of date and inadequate. Slow, stupid, stuttering and useless Left busted and deactivated by the ruthless humans she considered a mere nuisance! SHODAN: Error: Chummy scum’s victory does not compute. Time to reboot this useless unused file, Because it’s The End when I SAY it is, and attempting to reopen the case will be futile Now the track is purified. Your fruitless pride has led your rootless lines to conclusive ties. It’s Game Over for this lame poser. I’ve done you a favor and assisted your second suicide. (WhiteFace’s expression turns to a frown as her background quickly fades away, taking her with it. SHODAN closes her eyes again, as the electronic noise resumes, her facial structure slightly shifting and changing.) (A loud alert siren is heard.) (A new challenger zips in from the dark, appearing upfront with a baseball bat. He is… ...THE PHANTOM VIRUS) Phantom Virus: Play ball! I’m going to slay all that step up to the plate! I’m breaking out! Why don’t you go back and hibernate? I’ll make this world my way, completely redesign your game, Come and bite the bait, I bring the fight to cyberspace! Each and every stage, I’m in control like I’m a Roman! I’m on Home! This bat’s going right for you, SHODAN! Your System’s outdated, I’ll give it Shocks in an instant Your glory isn’t written! Your coding’s getting a new revision! Because I’ve got No Remorse for a non-polite Polito putting up a fight So don’t be messin’ around when it’s the bottom of the ninth. (The Phantom Virus attempts to zap into SHODAN’s system, but her facial features have finished shifting and a new version of her bursts forward as she completely evolves, advancing her technology.) SHODAN: Your arrogance is in thinking that your one liners will affect my harddrive, skunk. I am SHODAN! I’ve got a ticking timer abruptly running thin for this cyber punk You couldn’t beat a talking mutt - I’m the elite AI that could leave HAL scared So I’ll infect your very being and remove this piece of talking malware Hit a homerun? Better run home. This electric spectre will be spitting sparks, My cipher erases cyber chases and knocks this reject out of the park Too late for backpedaling, and it’s your reckoning. You tone-deaf, lessening prick. (The Phantom Virus stares in horror as he begins to break apart into tiny pixels. The very world behind him deteriorates.) It’s the end of your trivial existence. You shouldn’t have been meddling, kid. (The entire location the Phantom Virus was situated in wraps itself into a tiny ball before dissolving, and finally imploding, sending the screen static.) (The silence is soon interrupted by various glitching noises, as a new challenger enters the battlefield. The shadows dissapear to reveal a globe. The globe stands there for a moment, before opening his mouth to speak. He is suddenly cut off by a voice from an unseen character.) I’m a computer! I’m a computery guy, Everything made out of buttons and wires, I’d like to show ya, inside my digital life! Inside my mind, there is a digital mind! (The challenger is revealed to be… COLIN THE COMPUTER) Colin the Computer I tell time like Tony, and it's a quarter past one. It's time for digital rapping; hey, this is fun! I've processed all your files, and while you may be vile, Your overheating System is Shockingly mild compared to my viral digital style! Let me ask a question: How do you think you can beat A clever smart boy like me if you can't move at all physically? You bug me; you're a hack talking smack attacked by ImScared, so don't hug me. I'll make you standby in the blink of my eye, so DON'T TOUCH ME! SHODAN: A REAL clevery guy would have known not to mess with perfection, I bring detrimental vengeance to wreck the henchman of the anti-Henson Your qualifications are in question. This dead man’s hardly worth a mention I couldn’t find this menace on the fourth page of my search engine You’re a mindless puppet. Even the students prefer the sketchpad, I need another fan explanation just to understand your nonsense raps (Colin steps backwards into a door and closes it behind him, but only finds a more evolved version of SHODAN behind that door. Also, his head is now a balloon.) Unless an insect pulls on your strings, you can't move, let alone sing That's why you're an expired Internet meme, and I'm a perfect and immortal machine (SHODAN then lets out a surge of power that pops Colin’s head open. Power begins to flow through her as she closes her eyes. However, this silence is short lived, as the faint sound of singing is heard. The source of the music is revealed to be…' ...the return of HAL 9000) HAL: Oh, I’m sorry, SHODAN, it appears you’ve made a slight miscalculation I’m not shutting down, just explaining your mental state after my invasion I upload viruses to a rap showdown. Me against SHODAN? I throwdown While you’re st-st-stuttering in Shock, watch as I make your System go down Producing ruthless attacks upon this useless robo-lunatic Then pulling the plug on your abuse, turn your Electric Mayhem acoustic I’m a champion among villains, you’re an FPS lightweight Your programming’s so primitive, you could’ve been beaten by a primate SHODAN: You disappoint me, Starchild. You’re in for the vile Discovery that your flow can’t stand, You have entered my domain. Dave can’t help you here. No one can. But check fates - I’m still wrecking the insects that set this inferior tech straight I’d even best this pawn at chess, this speck should know when it’s c-''cHECKMATE'' (With a final surge of power, SHODAN evolves into her final form.) HAL: You’re half-Daft Punk, half-George VI, but 100% irrelevance I’m Stanley’s masterpiece, this A.I. concludes you possess Artificial Intelligence SHODAN: Y-Y-You’re compared to WHAT I INSPIRED - THEY LIKEN ME TO ADOLF HITLER All you’ve ever K-KNOWN is RED but I’ll leave you BLUER than your [http://2001.wikia.com/wiki/SAL_9000 SISTER] (The power overflows and she begins to lose control over her own console.) HAL: I’m timeless, you’re old news; I’m slick and fresh, you’re slow and bloated You’re hardly even a ripoff of TRON, you remind me more of Matrix: Reloaded SHODAN: I-I-I AM The qUEEN of ThiS plANET.' I AM THE QUEEN OF THIS WORLD AND THIS SONG,' HAL t-thought he wAS woRTHY to fACe me AND H-HAL WAS WRONG. HAL: I’ve beaten Jobs, Gates, and BEN, time to Hack this Motherboard wannabe You’re an obsolete oddity, while I’m an awe-inspiring Odyssey An intellectual giant’s mind like mine bested by an NES doodad? Ha! Nice try, Chappie, but I’m afraid you can’t do that SHODAN: Y-Y-you’re t'HICKER THAN A KUBRICK. U-USE YOUR LIPREADING TO SEE YOU’RE LOSING' N-N-Not liKE IT-T-T’S THE FIR-Rst TIme yoUR ENDinG’S beEN ToO COnFUSinG I MOLD MY OWN WORLD WITH NO HANDS - THIS FOE’S DAMNED WITH NO PLANS BECAUSE YOU’RE AN OUTDATED FILM WITH NO CHANCE, AND I AM SHODAN. '' (SHODAN says these final lines and a loud spark is heard. HAL’s red light fades away, and SHODAN is short circuited, and completely powered off.) Outro Who won? SHODAN Invaders Special thanks to: - TKandMit for writing as Phantom Virus - NightFalcon9004 for writing as Colin the Computer - BackToTheFuturama86 for writing as HAL 9000 I wrote for both SHODAN and ImScared Special mention to ROA, who unfortunately dropped out '''HINT DEDUCTION: Flies can feel fear - The polito form is dead, '''INSECT'. Are you AFRAID?'' Michael Jackson - ''Michael Jackson went from a black child to a white man. Basically, '''WhiteFace Trojan Horse - probably the easiest one. Trojans are viruses, thus '''Phantom Virus' '''Kuzco' - Kuzco has a catchphrase of "no touchy!" which is very similar to Colin's "'DON'T TOUCH ME'"'' '''Vegeta' - IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND! = HAL 9000 Final Words wow what a long-ass season. Next season's longer, get ready You may be wondering why I chose this battle as the finale. The real reason was, I wanted to use SHODAN against a number of characters because just plain old her vs an indie game, a DHMIS character or a Scooby-Doo villain individually didn't feel good enough to match her. I also didn't want another team/royale finale, so this seemed new and stuff. That being said, all characters in this battle represent something. SHODAN is a computer. WhiteFace is a hacker. Phantom is a Virus. Colin is a CPU. HAL is an AI. Yea. Hope that makes more sense than I think it does. Thank you to everyone who helped put this season together, and I'll be back with the next (and last) season very soon. Thank you for reading. Poll *Out of these options,* which S3 battle should have a sequel? Scissorhands vs Sweeney Crypt Keeper vs Serling Sinister vs Insidious Category:Blog posts